May 15 marked a loss of profound proportions for the civil rights community, the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender community, and the HIV/AIDS movements community. Rodger McFarlane, an early advocate, activist and strategist for the gay community, took his own life in Truth and Consequences, New Mexico, last Friday after battling compounding heart and back problems that were resulting in almost total debilitation GLAAD shared this statement issued by the friends and family of Denver-based civil rights and HIV/AIDS advocate, Rodger McFarlane.
New York, Monday, May 18, 2009 – It is with deep sadness that we announce the death of our friend, colleague, and hero, Rodger McFarlane. A pioneer and legend in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) civil rights and HIV/AIDS movements, Rodger took his own life in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico last Friday. In a letter found with his remains, Rodger explained that he was unwilling to allow compounding heart and back problems to become even worse and result in total debilitation. We know that Rodger was in a great deal of pain. Already disabled in his own mind, he could no longer work out or do all the outdoor activities he so loved. He was also now faced with the realization that he could literally not travel, making employment increasingly difficult. As his friends and family, we thought it was important that we communicate to the world that it has lost an amazingly wonderful individual who contributed so mightily to our humanity.Rodger approached every aspect of his life with boundless passion and vigor. While many people go their entire lives wanting to be good at just one thing, Rodger excelled at virtually everything he did. Brilliant activist and strategist, decorated veteran, accomplished athlete, best-selling author, and humanitarian are just a few of the accolades that could be used to describe our friend. To know Rodger was to love an irreverent, wise-cracking Southerner who hardly completed a sentence that didn’t include some kind of four-letter expletive. He fought the right fight every day, was intolerant of silence, and organized whole communities of people to advocate for justice. These were traits that endeared him to us and are traits that make his legacy incredibly rich and powerful.The power of Rodger’s many personal and professional accomplishments cannot be denied. He was on the forefront of responding to the AIDS epidemic that ravaged our country – and specifically the gay community – in the 1980’s. Before HIV even had a name, in 1981, Rodger set up the very first hotline anywhere; he just set it up on his own phone. That was the Rodger we knew. A born strategist and leader, Rodger took three organizations in their infancy and grew each into a powerhouse in its own way, empowered to tackle this national tragedy.One of the original volunteers and the first paid executive director of Gay Men’s Health Crisis, the nation’s first and largest provider of AIDS client services and public education programs, Rodger increased the organization's fundraising from a few thousand dollars to the $25 million agency it is today. Until his death, he was the president emeritus of Bailey House, the nation's first and largest provider of supportive housing for homeless people with HIV.From 1989 to 1994, he was executive director of Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS (BC/EFA), merging two small industry-based fundraising groups into one of America's most successful and influential AIDS fundraising and grant-making organizations. During his tenure at BC/EFA, annual revenue increased from less than $1 million to more than $5 million, while also leveraging an additional $40 million annually through strategic alliances with other funders and corporate partnerships. Rodger was also a founding member of ACT UP – NY, the now legendary protest group responsible for sweeping changes to public policy as well as drug treatment and delivery processes.Most recently, Rodger served as the executive director of the Gill Foundation, one of the nation’s largest funders of programs advocating for LGBT equality. He transformed the Foundation by sharpening its strategic purpose. He focused its philanthropy in the states, aligned its investment with political imperatives and forged relationships with straight allies that helped to further both the LGBT movement as well as the greater progressive movement. Rodger was instrumental in the creation of the Gill Foundation’s sister organization, Gill Action. The brilliance of Rodger’s vision is being seen today as important protections for LGBT people become a reality in more and more states.No one will ever doubt that our friend Rodger lived a rich and complete life. A proud U.S. Navy veteran, Rodger was a licensed nuclear engineer who conducted strategic missions in the North Atlantic and far Arctic regions aboard a fast attack submarine. A gifted athlete, he was a veteran of seven over-ice expeditions to the North Pole. He also competed internationally for many years as an elite tri-athlete, and in 1998 and 2002, competed in the Eco-Challenges in Morocco and Fiji, where he captained an all-gay female-majority team.In spite of the fact that Rodger never completed college, he was an accomplished and best-selling author and the producer of works for the stage. Rodger was the co-author of several books, including The Complete Bedside Companion: No Nonsense Advice on Caring for the Seriously Ill (Simon & Schuster, 1998), and most recently, Larry Kramer’s The Tragedy of Today’s Gays (Penguin, 2005). In 1993, he co-produced the Pulitzer Prize-nominated production of Larry Kramer’s The Destiny of Me, the sequel to The Normal Heart.Rodger had a reputation as a hard-ass. That reputation didn’t do him justice. Many of us will remember Rodger as a caregiver, a man who nursed countless friends and family members battling cancer and AIDS. He was the most compassionate and giving of friends, especially to those in physical or emotional distress.His many achievements were recognized throughout his life. Most recently, he had received the Patient Advocacy Award from the American Psychiatric Association. Other honors included the New York City Distinguished Service Award, the Presidential Voluntary Action Award, the Eleanor Roosevelt Award, and the Emery Award from the Hetrick Martin Institute, as well as Tony and Drama Desk honors.How do you sum up someone’s life in just a few words? It’s impossible and you can’t. To commemorate Rodger’s life, his friends will organize celebrations of his, the details of which are still in the planning stages. If Rodger was anything, he was a character through and through; there are, quite literally, thousands of “Rodger stories.” That’s part of what made him such a special person. During our celebrations, we’ll share some of these stories and reflect on the many legacies left by our friend for life, Rodger McFarlane.Information on donations in memorial will also be forthcoming.
It all started when I left to attend the White Party in Palm Springs. What an amazing weekend that was. A few short hours before my flight home to Ohio, the newly discovered Cockyboy from the Cockyboys.com model search that weekend, Cameron Adams, gave me a spontaneous invite to Vegas and without a second thought I hopped in the car. Living in Vegas was a w e s o m e. I had a crew of really great friends, a cool place to live, it just so happened at that time when I was arriving to Vegas, one of Cameron's roommates was moving out. It was perfect timing. I stayed there for about two months, working on Rentboy.com, dancing, and filming with Cockyboys.com. I really remember saying to my friends who were all Cockyboys, "I'm having the time of my life." That is until May 1st.Gay Pride kicked off and I was booked to dance at Piranha Nightclub. That morning I had a voicemail from my best friend's sister frantically telling me her sister's house is on fire and she's stuck inside. I immediately called my best friend's cellphone where a lady answered the phone and proceeded to tell me that Tabby was in ICU at the local county hospital and she's brain dead. I immediately felt like a thousand different pieces of me died. I dropped from one of my highest points in my life down to rock bottom. Anything that was at all important at the time, or special, all my goals, had all vanished. Nothing mattered. Seriously, nothing. I was completely angry at myself and mostly at her. Of course I was devastated. I don't even really know how to describe it. Me and her had some big plans. I wouldn't even know where to begin to start with what we had in store. Not that it would matter anyway because it is no longer an option. I had to come up with new options. I feel like I was always trying to save her. But I just always failed. I could always be there to have a solution to a problem but it was never a permanent fix. She was sick with addiction to drugs, abuse, sex, alcohol which were all things she thrived on to survive. The way she grew up made her think the abuse was necessary and the drugs and the alcohol came along to make it all absent. Her Dad and her boyfriend are the two biggest drug dealers in town. You can't really help too much in that situation. Her Dad died and her boyfriend got sent to prison which gave her a chance at freedom and took away the drugs.
Tabby was living with me three weeks prior to me going to California but one morning at 3a.m., my house was full of smoke because the kitchen had caught on fire. I kicked her out after that because one of my main rules was don't come home drunk out of your mind or fucked up on drugs. That's where I made my first mistake because instead of trying to help more, I punished her. I didn't know what to do though - I wanted to help her, but I can't let her burn down my house because she's passed out drunk. Don't get me wrong, I didn't abandon her, I still tried to help. I just didn't have any of the things she thrived for. The night before she died, I texted her and said I was coming home in a few weeks to get some more clothes and that I wanted to bring her back with me to Vegas. Have you ever felt like you were so close and then have it all ripped away from you?
After the funeral, I did fly back to Vegas but it just didn't feel the same anymore. I'm not very religious, but one day, a man came up to me in the city and said, "God told me that I have to tell you that he saw her future and it wasn't going to be any better than her past, so he took her." That brought a lot of closure but didn't take away any of the loss and still lets me know that no matter what I would have done, I was going to fail. So although it was closure, it wasn't comforting. This is where I start to lose my way.I left Vegas and flew back to Ohio and then to Davenport, Iowa. I ended up in Malone, Illinois shacking up with some rapper, and then back to Ohio. I then went to LA for Gay Pride, where I stayed in Beverly Hills for a month, then back to Ohio to sit at her grave for her 21st birthday. I left again to Fort Lauderdale for a few months, then I went out to Delray beach, and I finally came to the conclusion to go home, stay home, and face it. Shortly after getting home, I flew to New Orleans to film The Big Easy. Then shortly after getting home from The Big Easy, I met a boy and things started looking up.I've had a lot of time to deal and let things go and I formed some new dreams and definitely have come a long way. I flew back to Las Vegas last month to get some things in order, oddly enough I got a place right around the corner from where I lived before. On Saturday morning, our four month anniversary, me and Jesse, are sticking it all in the car and driving across country to start out in Vegas. I definitely think four months is way too soon for people to start living together as a couple. It's definitely rushing things, and it may not last, but this is now and I'm not doing a cross country relationship, and I'm not living in Ohio, so it's either get left behind or stick together. Frankly, I'm kind of tired of meeting these people and forming bonds and relationships, and then having to part ways. You invest all this time and then get left with nothing. At least we're doing something, going somewhere, and are chasing after the things we want. We're definitely not chasing the same dream, in fact, they are vastly different. So whether this works or not, at least I'm getting back on track and not holding back. I definitely don't plan on letting anything stand in my way and I'll never let something as tragic as that was affect my life so dramatically when it's not necessary. You've got to keep pushin' on.
May 15 marked a loss of profound proportions for the civil rights community, the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender community, and the HIV/AIDS movements community. Rodger McFarlane, an early advocate, activist and strategist for the gay community, took his own life in Truth and Consequences, New Mexico, last Friday after battling compounding heart and back problems that were resulting in almost total debilitation GLAAD shared this statement issued by the friends and family of Denver-based civil rights and HIV/AIDS advocate, Rodger McFarlane.
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It all started when I left to attend the 
